Bad Rubber Piggy
the Membrane studios, an episode of "Probing the Membrane of
Science" is being recorded in front of a live studio audience. The title
of the show appears and then fades out shortly afterwards.
now for adventures in science, with Professor Membrane!
camera zooms up on Prof. Membrane. The audience cheers. Kids scream happily
and women in the audience hold up sign saying that they love Prof. Membrane.
One child gets sucked up into the ceiling as he is cheering.
again to Doctor Faulky and his miserably failed attempt at a better cold
fusion. Now, let's take a question from the audience.
child in the audience stands on a risen platform. A microphone attached to a
mechanical arm goes over to him. Cameras come down from the ceiling and focus
on the child.
mommy makes me eat breakfast chunks for breakfast. But I hate them. I hate
them so much! Could I go back in time and stop them from ever being invented?
I'm glad you asked that! Altering the past to effect the present is
floating monitor screen like the one Prof. Membrane used in Parent Teacher
Night hovers up beside him, displaying a child at breakfast with a bowl
containing one large breakfast chunk. He bangs on the chunk with his spoon,
but nothing happens. He gnaws on the chunk, but to no avail.
could prevent Walton Chunky (the monitor screen shows an image of Walton
Chunky holding a box of Breakfast Chunks) from ever inventing Breakfast Chunks
by using temporal object replacement technology!
monitor screen shows the words 'Past- Walton' in the corner while showing a
clip of Walton Chunky at the dump next to a car crushing machine. A sack of
Bran lays next to him.
there's Walton Chunky in the past-
Chunky grabs a handful of bran from the sack next to him.
-and, uh, I guess he worked in a garbage dump or something. And, there's a big
sack of bran, I guess.
Chunky pulls a lever and a machine crushes a car into a block shape.
here's where he gets the idea for Breakfast Chunks.
Chunky shapes the fist full of bran into a block shape.
Oh, look, he's happy. Using a space time transfer device (the monitor goes
into static) we replace an object from the past with an object from the
present and stop this moment from ever happening.
monitor shows some scientists in a science lab with the words 'Present-
Science Lab' in the corner.
See? They're the scientists! And they're sending a horrible giant squid into
one-eyed giant squid in a large jar moves on a conveyor belt into a time
portal. The sack of bran next to Walton Chunky disapears and is replaced by
the giant squid. Walton Chunky screams as the squid wraps its tentacles around
him and pulls Walton towards itself. The monitor goes into static.
But, be careful! If the Breakfast Cube was never invented, tasty breakfast
squids would sweep the nation!
monitor shows the same child who was trying to eat the Breakfast Chunk. The
chunk in his bowl disappears and the word 'chunk' on the box turns to 'squid.'
The child cheers, but then two tentacles emerge from his bowl and latch onto
the boy's head. The boy tries to pull back against the squid's force and falls
backwards, pulling the squid out of the bowl. The monitor then goes static.
unpredictable effects would arise, as a result of mankind's foolish altering
of the time line!
monitor shows a giant fish in a bear suit lumbering through a city with the
words 'present- Tokyo' in the corner.
Like this giant fish in a bear suit! He would be horrible! Look at him go!
giant fish in a bear suit walks up to a skool bus
consequences would be disastrous!
lifts the bud above its head. A child falls out of the bus and screams as he plummets
into the fish's mouth.
despite the temptation, altering the time line is more foolish than
words 'Present: Membrane' appear in the corner.
who would build a space time object replacement device is a complete moron!
word 'moron' is echoed as we see that Zim has built a space time object
replacement device in his lab. Zim pops up holding a wrench.
The space time object replacement device is ready!
who is out of disguise, plays with a rubber piggy toy as if it were a toy
airplane, making it fly through the air and making his own sound effects and
then giggles. Zim presses some buttons on a control panel and a monitor
attached to the side of the space time object replacement device shows some
kids punching a wobbling alien toy with the words 'past: Dib' in the corner.
The children laugh. Further up the street from the children, a younger Dib
pulls up in a trycicle. Gaz stands behind him wearing a bow.
An alien! Stand back! I'll get it!
rides his tricycle towards the children.
monitor attached to the space time object replacement device shows a freeze
frame of Dib riding his tricycle.
Dib in the past. So unknowing, so unprepared. Back before he was ever a threat
to our mission, GIR!
walks over to a control panel. Steam releases from a device attached to the
ceiling. Zim pulls a lever on the control panel. The bottom of the device
detaches from the rest of it and hovers down, serving as a platform for a
hunter destroyer machine.
A hunter destroyer ma-
What is it!?!
A hunter destroy-
What is it!?!
A hunter destroyer machine, programmed to target the Earth boy in the past, to
insure that he will not be a problem to us in the present.
walks back to the control panel for the space time object replacement device.
The hunter destroyer machine starts moving around in the background. A monitor
attached to the space time object replacement device shows Dib as a younger
child vs. the hunter destroyer machine = Zim with a crown and a flag that has
a picture of Earth on it. Zim presses buttons on the control panel.
Wait, if you destroyed Dib in the past, then he won't ever be your enemy, then
you won't have to send a robot back to destroy him, and then he will be your
enemy so you will have to send a robot back-
head explodes. His body falls over, smoking. Zim presses more buttons on the
control panel. The hunter destroyer machine approaches the time portal
to unleash screaming temporal doom!
hunter destroyer machine goes into the portal, but is immediately spat back
not compatible with temporal field!
Not compatible!?! Is this thing just completely useless!?! Not compatible!
grabs GIR's rubber piggy and chucks it. It bounces off of the overturned
Hunter Destroyer Machine and goes into the time portal.
accepted, temporal displacement in process!
monitor attached to the space time object replacement device shows the same
clip from the past as earlier, with the small children punching the blow-up
An alien! Stand back, I'll get it!
rides his tricycle towards the children.
Beware, alien, I'm gonna-
tricycle is suddenly replaced with GIR's rubber piggy. Dib still moves his
legs in a pedaling motion, pedaling with the rubber piggy's feet. Dib crashes
into the ground and screams as he bounces into a tree. He hits the tree so
hard that bark from the other side of the tree falls off.
monitor goes into static. Cut to Dib's house in the present. Gaz sits on the
couch watching a strange show on TV showing a goblin thing wearing a wig like
Zim's while flames roar behind it. Dib walks in holding an empty box of Count
Coco Fang cereal.
Hey Gaz, did you eat all the cereal? (Dib shakes the empty box upside down) I
was gonna have this for breakfast tomorrow, you know!
think you own all the cereal. Well you know what Dib, you don't, you just
Look, all I'm saying is if you're going to-
flash of light occurs and suddenly Dib appears weaker, with bumps on his face.
A tooth falls out of his mouth. His voice changes too.
was I saying? Gaz, have I always sounded this funny?
as I've known you.
And have I always had this claw for a hand?
lifts up his right arm, which has a metal claw in place of a hand.
accident when you were three, don't you remember?
now that you mention it, I do.
TV changes to a commercial for Bloaty's Pizza Hog, a man in a morbidly obese
pig suit with flies buzzing around him. Bloaty drools as he talks. He holds a
pizza. Various cheeses are behind him. The words 'Bloatys Pizza Hog' are
written above him. The voices of children chanting 'Bloaty's Pizza Hog' can be
heard in the background.
Heeey! You eat the pizza!
holds the pizza up to the camera, showing that it has various pig parts on it
as toppings. Dib stares horrified. Zim watches from the monitor attached to
the time space object replacement device.
pig... it haunts me!
Not the same as the hunter destroyer plan, but I might be able to rid myself
of Dib after all!
stream from GIR's eyes.
pounds the floor.
Why my piggy!?! I love-ed you, piggy! I love-ed you!
monitor attached to the space time object replacement device cuts from Dib to
a news report, with the words 'present: news' in the corner of the screen.
in other news, giant fish people are rampaging through the city.
monitor attached to the space time object replacement device shows a giant
fish in a bear suit among buildings holding up a sign that says 'HI MOM!' on
it. The words 'present: Tokyo' are in the corner of the screen. The fish
growls. The monitor cuts to Dib in the past wearing a hover helmet. This is a
few years after the tricycle incident. The words 'Past: Dib' are again in the
corner. He and Gaz are outside. Dib adjusts the hover helmet.
gonna get in trouble as soon as Dad finds out you took his hover helmet!
I'll put it right back!
hover helmet beeps and then starts rumbling.
I just wanna see if I can make it into space with this thing!
hover helmet lifts up, pulling Dib with it. It makes Dib bump into the same
tree as earlier and then lifts him above the neighborhood.
GIR! Another pig!
walks over to a control panel and presses some buttons. A panel on the floor
next to him opens up and light pours out. A pig hovers out of the open panel.
GIR grabs the pig and walks over to Zim. He cries, then holds his head down
and holds the pig out to Zim.
Wow! I can spy on the family the Nosferatus, they just moved in down the
a flash of light, the hover helmet is replaced with a rubber piggy strapped to
Dib's head. Dib screams as he plumets towards the ground. Gaz has a spot of
chocolate on face as she is eating a candy bar.
crashes in the neighbor's lawn. The rubber piggy bounces out and lands next to
Gaz's feet. Cut to the present. Gaz sits on the couch sucking on a lollipop
while watching a TV program showing some bats flying above a cow. Dib walks up
wearing a cloak.
So anyhow, I was thinking I'd try one of Dad's old cloaking jackets and go spy
on Zim's house!
shhh, they're gonna show the bats eating a cow!
sound of the cow wailing as it is being eaten is heard.
I'm gonna sneak up past those giant gnomes-
peers through a handheld camera device. Suddenly, a flash of light occurs. Dib
becomes weaker. His hair is disheveled and more teeth are missing. He has a
large vein running across his head. He talks slowly as if he is always out of
breath. A machine attached to his back pumps air into him through tubes
attached to his neck. He is also no longer wearing the cloak. Instead of
holding the binoculars, he is holding a piece of paper.
-And leave a... nasty message note (Dib stumbles on his words)... and leave a
nasty note on his door. Gaz, have I always had these tubes in my neck?
pulls on the tubes.
Hover helmet accident when you were six. Punched a hole through it in the
sewer system, don't you remember?
have my plans always been this lame?
these... (eye twitches) visions of pigs in my head... What's with these
to Zim's lab. The tricycle is there, along with the hover helmet, which is on
a pedestal and is smoking. A few empty canisters lay on the ground. Zim holds
one of them, peering into it.
hmmmm.... More piggies, GIR! I demand more piggies!
runs up and hands Zim a piggy. Zim eyes GIR suspiciously and holds a hand out
to GIR. GIR's antennae retracts and his head open up, then hundreds of rubber
piggies shoot out and fill the lab. GIR giggles shamefully.
No! These are for science!
holds up a rubber piggy.
antennae bends to the side and his eyes water.
smiles and then dives into the pile of rubber piggies.
walks over to the time space object replacement device.
to my filthy evil I guess.
presses some buttons on the control panel. A monitor attached to the time
space object replacement device shows a big foot child climbing to the top of
a playground structure. Dib climbs towards the big foot child. The words
'Past: Dib' are written in the corner. Dib holds a the camera and clings to
the bars of the playground device with his claw hand.
It's a big foot baby! I know it!
Leave me alone!
big foot child makes it to the top of the playground structure.
has ever gotten footage this close before!
big foot child makes a moaning noise.
foot child: I'm
a regular kid! I just want to eat grubs!
Eat your grubs, Sasquatch!
Dib is looking through the camera, a slash of light occurs and the camera is
replaced with a rubber piggy. Dib screams. He looses his grip and falls to the
ground. Electricity from the oxygen pack on hiss back surges through him. Cut
to the present. Dib walks down the street towards Zim's house with the nasty
note in his hand. As he walks, the flash of light occurs and he becomes weaker
looking with more veins on his face and veiny eyes. GIR walks out of the
house, not in disguise, singing and holding a rubber piggy.
dee doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo, doo dee doo dee doo, doo.
makes it to the front lawn of Zim's house just as GIR is leaving. Dib screams,
dropping the nasty note. GIR screams as well, throwing the rubber piggy into
the air. Dib screams again. GIR screams again. GIR runs off into the house.
Dib looks at the rubber piggy and growls. Zim presses buttons on the control
panel of the time space object replacement device when he hears pounding on
the front door.
watches from the window as Dib lies on the ground in front of his front door,
pounding on it.
I know you're behind the piggies, Zim! I don't know how, but I know that it's
you! Rubber piggies have ruined my life, and its all been of you!
close to victory!
monitor attached to the time space object replacement device shows Dib in the
past, directly after he fell trying to tape the big foot child. He is on the
ground, and the paramedics are next to him. His oxygen pack is broken in half
and lies near by. A small crowd of people are gathered around. A paramedic
crouched next to Dib holds charge pads, ready to use them on Dib.
Come on, kid! If I loose one more patient today I'm gonna get written up!
opens his eyes weakly.
the charge pads get replaced with two rubber piggies.
paramedic presses the piggies onto Dib's chest.
paramedic rams the piggies into Dib's chest again.
stay with me! Stay with me!
eyes close. A monitor attached to the space time object replacement device
that shows Dib's histroy, heartbeat, and lifeline shows all three lines go
flat. A machine lowers from the ceiling of Zim's lab and despences a drink for
him. Zim takes a sip of the drink.
Ah! Foolish Earth creature.
walks over to an elevator shaft. A hovering platform lifts him up. As Zim
rises up to the next level, the lines show life again, no longer being flat.
Dib weakly opens his eyes. A monitor attached to the space time object
replacement device shows a news report with Prof. Membrane in the past, with
the words 'past: Dib' in the corner.
Since my son's skeleton was accidentally crushed by a paramedic in a freak
piggy accident, I have created the new mega boy 3000, (Prof. membrane lifts up
a small model of the Mega Boy 3000) fusion powered titanium exoskeleton! It
will give him the strength of ten thousand little boys!
rises out of the toilet, sipping his drink. Suddenly, the house shakes and Zim
drops his drink.
will pay for ruining my childhood, Zim! You... will... pay!
last piggy should have reduced him to nothing! What happened!?! Where did
history go wrong!?!
goes back down through the toilet. Dib bursts through the wall of Zim's house
with the Mega Boy 3000. The lawn gnomes fire lasers at Dib as he walks into
the house. GIR stands in the kitchen doorway, holding a piggy. He is
dumbstruck at the sight of Dib in the Mega Boy 3000. His antennae droops down.
whole life has been a miserable pig-filled ordeal because of you!
punches a picture of Zim and GIR in their disguises that is on a shelf.
can hide, Zim, but you can't... hide!
hurls rubber piggies into the time portal at a constant rate.
There must be some way of stopping him! Some point in time where he's still vulnerable
to the piggy!
Zim throws piggies in, rays and missiles suddenly appear on the Mega Boy 3000
launches a mother load of rockets and missiles. GIR screams and runs, the missiles
coming right behind him. He jumps into the toilet just in time. He screams as
he falls into the lab, fires blazing behind him. He rolls up behind Zim,
holding the rubber piggy. Zim turns around and grabs the piggy.
Only one left! Noooooo!
lab shakes as Dib pounds his way into it from the upper layer.
There may be one last chance!
presses some buttons on the control panel.
have to warn myself in the past to never use this time machine!
monitor attached to the space time object replacement device shows when the
hunter destroyer machine was first being sent into the time portal. The words
'past: Zim' are in the corner.
Now, to unleash screaming temporal doom!
hums as he writes something on the rubber piggy. Dib bursts in from the
And now, Zim! This is for tampering with the past! This is for the pigs!
raises the fist of the Mega Boy 3000. Zim tosses the piggy into the time
portal. Dib swings his fist towards Zim.
Enjoy your last moment-
with a flash, Dib is back to normal. He stands outside of Dib's front door
holding a camera.
-of privacy! Soon the world will see- Wait a minute, have I always been like
this? Yes, I have, haven't I? My whole life! Good old Dib-like Dib!
of the lawn gnomes turn around to face Dib then they slide towards him with
their arms outstretched.
lawn gnomes grab Dib by his feet and drag him away.
Hey, wait a minute! Hey!
lawn gnomes drag him off screen and then the sound of them punching Dib as he
shouts can be heard. Cut to Zim's lab.
like none of it ever happened! Where did the last piggy go?
groans and drools, then lifts up his brain. The words 'one hour earlier' appear.
The hunter destroyer machine approaches the time portal opening. Zim presses
more buttons on the control panel.
to unleash screaming temporal doom!
a flash of light occurs and Zim's arms go all wiggly as he drools and groans.
Cut to an x-ray view of Zim's head, where we see that the rubber piggy is in
his head in place of his brain. Zim's voice reads what is written on the
don't use the time machine, love, Zim!