sits alone at a table in the cafeteria. He scoops up a single pea with his
spoon from his tray. Zim brings it up where his nose would be and sniffs. He
gasps and holds the pea as far away from himself as his arms will allow, then
dumps it back with the rest of the peas. Big Moose Kid walks by Zim's table
and slips on some mashed potatoes lying on the ground. To regain balance, Big
Moose Kid puts his hand on the back of Zim's head, pushing Zim into his food
tray. Big Moose Kid walks on. Zim lefts his head up, his mouth stuffed with peas. He
screams and spits, and then starts spasming on the table. Students look at
him, then walk on.
That new kid's a freak. I think his name is Zip or something.
lifts his head up and grunts, then begins listening in.
He's been here long enough to at least make some loser friends, like the
creepy kid Dib.
raises an eyebrow.
those rejects in the corner.
Keef, Melvin, Dirge, and Matthew P. Mathers III are gathered around a table in
the corner. The sound of a fly buzzing is heard.
But look at him, all by himself, I mean what kind of kid doesn't have any
friends? It's so inhuman.
is echoed. Zim gets a worried look on his face. He imagines himself in a tube,
out of his disguise, while three scientists stand in front of it. The press is
in front of the scientists.
Congratulations on discovering the grotesque space monster! Tell us, how did
you know he was an alien?
Well, we noticed he had no friends.
and microphones close in on the scientists. The word 'friends' is repeated in
Zim's head. The dream sequence ends. Zim gasps.
looks to a table and sees Lizard Boy give two other kids a cupcake and they
accept him as their friend. He sees Zooglodon and Rob lick the same lollipop.
Zim grunts and looks to another table where Mary and another student pass a
ball over the table, back and forth. Zim sees Penny and Olivia spell
out the word 'friends' in string. Zim looks to the table where Dib and Gaz are
sitting. Dib squints his eyes menacingly. Zim's eyes go wide with a pop as he
looks back at the corner where the rejected students are. Zim approaches
looking for a friend. Would you be-
I was born with webbed fish toes... like some kind of horrible fish boy. Wanna
of Dirge's eyes widens. Zim backs away slowly in fear. Zim approaches Matthew
P. Mathers III, pointing.
P. Mathers III screams and runs away.
Squealy fools! These human filthies should be honored to even be considered as
possible friends of Zim!
looks to where Gretchen, Melvin, and Keef stand.
Who among you feels they are worthy enough to be my best friend?
three of them smile.
Good. I have devised some simple tests to determine who is the worthiest.
grabs a carton of milk laying on the table. Zim pours the milk so that a
puddle of it is on the table.
begin by testing your absorbency.
rubs Gretchen's head against the puddle, she grunts.
grunts again. Zim lets her get up and milk drips off her face. Zim grabs
Melvin by the collar and then shoves his head into the puddle. Zim then grabs
Keef by the collar and shoves his head into the puddle. The milk is absorbed
into Keef's head.
Next, I test your electrical conductivity.
pulls out two extending conductive rods which create a line of electricity in
between them. Zim holds them above the heads of the three students. Light
flashes through the cafeteria as the screams of the kids are heard. Melvin and
Gretchen are burnt to a crisp, but Keef was unaffected.
now, the final test.
pulls out a beaver and a toy taxi from behind his back and approaches the
students. Horrible noises and screams are heard and much time passes as
indicated by a clock. Melvin and Gretchen sit at the table in pain, still
looking burnt, while Keef stands at Zim's side with only a few specks of dirt.
have a winner! What is your name, friend?
name's keef! Wow, I've never won anything before! I promise I'll be the best,
most loyal friend ever!
hugs Zim. Keef's eyes water.
I'm so happy.
uses his finger to push Keef away.
Don't touch me.
drags Keef over to the table where Jessica sits.
I'd like you all to meet Keef.
lifts Keef up by the back of his collar. Keef waves.
He's my best friend.
sets Keef back down.
lost, you losers!
Very well. I am going to get lost. But notice I am getting lost with my best
drags keef away. Later, in the playground, Zim and Keef play tetherball
against Zooglodon. Zooglodon serves the ball and Zim uses keef as a bat to hit
it. The ball knocks Zooglodon down and ties around the pole. They do a bizarre
victory dance that involves hopping around each other. Students at the jungle
gym stare in bewilderment. In art class, Zim walks over to a table where some
students are painting, sculpting, and making things and shows off a drawing of
Keef and himself that looks like a third grader drew it. Keef and Zim are labeled
on the picture and the word 'friends!' is written underneath. Keef pops out
from behind Zim and shows off a painting with Keef and Zim's heads instead of
the heads of the usual mother and baby. The students at the table just stare.
Zim looks annoyed. Later, they walk together down a hallway, smiling, waving,
and giving thumbs ups to the students as they pass by. Keef accidentally bumps
Zim so Zim shoves Keef. Later, they are seen outside of Zim's house.
And then tomorrow there's the circus! We can go to the circus, I love the
circus! You wanna go to the circus, Zim?
I want to congratulate you, Keef, on a job well done. You have been a most
convincing friend, but now that the world seems satisfied with my knack for
companionship, I don't think I'll be requiring your services any longer. Our
mission together is done, good job soldier (Zim salutes Keef), be gone with
goes inside and almost closes the door when Keef speaks.
Hey, you got any video games?
stands there. The sound of a car passing by is heard. Zim shuts the door. Zim
relaxes and sighs. Zim looks at the couch and sees that GIR, who is out of
disguise, is sitting there, watching the Scary Monkey Show. The scary monkey
job well done.
drawing of Keef and Zim is slid under the door with the words 'bestest
friends' written on it. 'S' is written backwards on it. The phone rings. Zim
picks up the phone.
Heya buddy, how ya doing?
I told you I do not require your-
understand, Zim. I was thinking maybe you'd want to-
on, I've got another call.
presses a button on the phone and switches lines.
Heya buddy! You're gonna love the circus!
lifts the phone away from his head fearfully. He yanks on the phone, pulling
the phone out of the wall. Zim looks out the window and sees Keef riding a
bike slowly past Zim's house. Zim stares slack jawed. As soon as Keef passes
by, he suddenly passes again from the same direction. Zim roles down the
drops from the ceiling and lies on the floor. His eyes turn red and he
I'm going down to the lab, do not let anyone into the house!
stands up and salutes.
walks over to the toilet in his kitchen. The lid opens automatically and Zim
steps in. He tugs on a cord and light pours down from the ceiling as he is
flushed down into the lab. The doorbell rings. GIR's eyes go back to their
leaps into the air. All of the blue on him turns to red as he soars in a
fighting stance. He kicks, spins, and does other fighting stances as the
background changes to a red color with bones lining it. The background returns
to normal and the red changes back to its normal color. GIR puts his dog suit
on and puts a paw to the door knob. Deep within the lab, Zim relaxes on his
curved chair out of his disguise. He yawns and kicks back. The next morning,
Zim rises from the toilet in disguise. He is shocked to find Keef at the stove
cooking bacon as GIR sits at the table in his dog suit next to a plate of
A Zim! You showed up just in time for the waffles!
pounds his silverware against the table. Zim growls.
out of my house! I told you you're fired!
You don't like waffles!
pushes Keef towards the door. Keef still holds the skillet full of bacon.
out, out, out!
door opens and Zim holds Keef in the air, ready to toss him.
we can walk to skool together!
I'm sick. I'm not going to skool today.
tosses Keef and the bacon on the skillet jiggles as Keef flies through the
air. Keef tumbles along the ground. GIR walks out and eats a piece of bacon.
Poor sick Zim, no wonder he's so sad! I have a great idea, GIR! I think we
should throw our Zim a surprise party! It'll cheer him up!
waves his paws in the air and squeals with joy.
I'll get a bunch of kids and bring them over after skool. Now this is supposed
to be a surprise, do you understand, GIR? A surprise! Zim can't find out!
sits on the couch as GIR enters with a bag of party stuff. Zim eyes GIR as he
walks across the room trying to hide the bag behind him. In the kitchen, GIR
tries setting the bag on the table but it tips over and the contents spill all
over the place. GIR looks sad. Zim enters behind him.
What are you doing, GIR?
Nothing... or something?
I can't take it, you're too smart for me. (GIR removes the dog head part of
the dog suit and lets it hang behind him like a hood) Keef is planning a
surprise party for after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves
pounds the floor.
boy loves you so much! (GIR stops pounding the floor) I'm makin' the cake!
skips off happily.
He's bringing all the children to our secret lair!?! Do you realize what this
stirs a bowl of cake batter.
Wait a minute... no.
It means our mission is in jeopardy!
starts humming as he stirs the batter.
must be done about this Keef! If he succeeds the whole population of Earth
will show up on our doorstep!
bell rings in the skool. Keef walks past the tables in the cafeteria passing
out party invitations to the students. He holds an invitation out to Jessica.
Party after skool at Zim's house! Everybody's invited!
He's the green kid. You know him.
you mean the freak? With that one friend that makes him even freakier?
students who got an invitation look towards Keef. Jessica laughs.
I don't think so.
sadly lowers the invitation. Everyone else crumples their invitations and
throws them at Keef. Keef looks to the corner where the rejected students sit
and smiles. Deep in Zim's lab, Zim is suspended in the air by two straps. He
holds some kind of welding tool which he uses on an unseen object.
and their filthy friendship! it brings nothing but trouble! I can see them
has a dream sequence. Keef steps in a puddle holding a torch and walking to
Zim's house. Other students and people follow behind, most of them holding torches.
The reflections of smiling students are seen holding hands around the tube
where Zim floats, who is out of disguise. His house looks surreal and everything
looks different. Melvin and another student hop on the couch while adults and
scientists dance. Zootch stands under a newly installed roller coaster. The
roller coaster loops around Zim's house. Students and adults hold hands in a
circle around the tube where Zim is being held. The dream sequence ends. Zim
shudders and continues working. At skool, the bell rings. The door opens up
and Keef runs out, followed by Melvin, Gretchen, Dirge, and Matthew P. Mathers
III and then Zita and Smeedge.
looks at a clock next to him which says '3:02.' Zim gasps and goes back to
work. Keef, Melvin, Gretchen, Mathew P. Mathers III, and Dirge run in slow
motion towards Zim's house.
(with slow-mo boice): Paaaaarty!
sweats as he struggles to complete his device.
(slowed down even more):
sings the doom song in slow motion as he stirs the cake. Zim connects some
wires. It cuts back to Keef, GIR, Zim, and back to Keef, GIR, Zim, Keef, GIR,
and then back to Zim. Zim cuts a ribbon with a zapping device and looks at his
creation which is wrapped as a present.
by the straps, Zim spins around and laughs maniacally, holding the gift. He
chokes for a second, but then goes back to laughing. Outside, Keef and the
others wait across the street.
Okay, now you guys wait here while I get him. Then jump out and yell surprise!
(Keef waves his arms) He'll be so happy!
runs towards Zim's house.
never been to a party before.
Do they hurt?
run away as Keef runs to Zim's door. He opens it.
Hey Zim! I'm home!
sees Zim, who is in disguise, standing there holding the gift.
me? Oh, you are my bestest friend! Thank you, Zim!
takes the gift and rips off the ribbons. The box opens as two mechanical arms
pop out and grip onto Keef's eyes. Keef screams as it yanks them out and
replaces them with new mechanical ones with red pupils.
(in hypnotic state): Yes?
your best friend?
(in hypnotic state):
That would be Zim. Today, he got me-
Silence! When I snap my fingers, the next living thing you see you will
believe to be your best friend.
(in hypnotic state):
I like Zim.
I know you do... but pay attention!
uses the arachnid robot legs that come out of his backpack to cling to one of
the wires on the ceiling and lift him out of view. Zim snaps his fingers and
keef's robot eyes light up for a split second. Keef is out of the hypnotic
state. he rubs his eyes.
goes back into a hypnotic state and approaches the window. He sees a squirrel
sitting on a lawn gnome in Zim's yard. The robotic eyes make the squirrel look
like Zim to Keef. The squirrel scampers away. Keef is out of the hypnotic
Zim? how'd you get out there!? Hey, wait up! I have a surprise for you!
runs out the door. Zim laughs.
and their friendship! Invaders need no one! No one!
wires Zim's mechanical arachnid legs were clinging to break off and Zim falls
to the ground.
guys! This is Zim!
P. Mathers III, Dirge, and Gretchen look at the squirrel. The squirrel
goes following the squirrel.
Forget this weirdo. Hey, you guys wanna see something really neat?
bends down to untie his shoe laces. Matthew P. Mathers III runs away
screaming. Keef follows the squirrel onto a fence. The squirrel munches on an
I'm hungry. Could I get some of that?
squirrel climbs up the roof of the house next to Zim's and Keef follows behind
it. Keef approaches the now angry squirrel. the squirrel jumps on Keef and
fights with him. Keef screams as they both fall off the roof. Smoke rises from
the spot where keef and the squirrel landed and everything goes tinted red.
don't like waffles?
image appears in the cloud of smoke, still stirring the cake batter and
singing the doom song in slow motion.