word 'Civics' is written on Ms. Bitters' chalk board.
There. Add a card to represent the overworked educational system.
Slunchy hangs from the ceiling, suspended by a rope tied around his waist. He
carefully sets a playing card on top of a building constructed of playing
cards that is resting on Dib's desk.
Now, add the dead weight of students like you.
adds a stack of playing cards to the top of the playing card building.
you can see, children, that our whole society's nothing more than a perilous
house of cards.
card building wobbles and falls apart, creating a big pile of cards on Dib's
to collapse under its own weight!
desk creaks under the weight of the pile of cards and then collapses.
Dib! The warranty on your desk has worn out. Get a replacement from the pile.
gets out of his chair and walks towards a large pile of assorted garbage at
the back of the class. We see that all the other classmates don't have desks
either. They sit at a variety of objects ranging from logs, tires, crates, and
even a pig.
Well children... As you know, the desk budget for this year has run out, but
the skool board has given you a chance to lessen your misery!
drags a trashcan over to where his desk was. A rat jumps out of the trashcan
and clings to his face, squealing.
lights go out. The chalk board opens up revealing the view screen behind it.
It plays a countdown starting from 3. The rat can be heard squealing and Dib
can be heard screaming. Once the countdown ends, the screen changes to an
image of a man in a dog costume and a clown suit holding a can of Poop soda.
It cuts to that same guy in a dog suit in a vandalized alleyway. The camera
zooms out a little too far for a second so that the studio it was filmed in is
visible before the camera zooms back in. Poop Dawg chucks the can of Poop he is
holding. In the background, rap music plays.
Poop Dawg: Word
up, kids! This is Poop Dawg! The Poop Cola gangsta clown with a little fund
raiser! Do you wanna go magnet with da moneys?
in the video cheer.
What does that mean?
leans forward in his desk.
Dawg lifts up a box of Poop Cola Candy.
Then jack this box of Poop Cola Candy! It's the great taste of Poop Cola
wrapped in a layer of chocolate madness!
Dawg holds up a bar of Poop Cola Candy.
Every bar you sell earns money for your skool, but what's in it for you?
Prizes, prizes, pra-zises!
Poop Dawg says prizes, the sound of a cash register bell is heard. Brian and
Aki glance at each other.
Poop Dawg: Sell
100 bars and you win a-
over voice: Adhesive
glares at Poop Dog questioningly.
Poop Dawg: Sell
1,000 you when a crash helmet!
Poop Dawg: Sell
10,000 you when an electro scooter!
Poop Dawg: At
500,000, ya get a hover craft-
-Plus the helmet, plus a box of-
over voice: Adhesive
That hover craft is a joke of engineering and that helmet would never protect
your brain from lasers!
Poop Dawg: And
if you all think you's all something wit da top sellies, and, wit... I can't
film stops and starts again at a fresh take.
Poop Dawg: The
top prize is something your bu- bu- bu- brain won't believe!
It's so amazing, it's a secret!
runs to the front of the class.
climbs on Ms. Bitters' desk.
are you hiding, dog man!?! Tell me! Tell me!
Good luck my fellow Poop slices!
video cuts to an image of a man choking.
candy made entirely of sawdust.
Yes of course, but what could it be? What!?! What!?! I must posses this secret
Bitters growls at Zim while drooling.
Ms. Bitters, why don't they take the money they spent on candy and prizes and
use it to buy desks?
Bitters holds Zim off the ground by his shirt collar.
answer wasn't in the video.
sunrises the next morning over the residential area of the city. A car drives
by. Sunlight brightens the surroundings. Rider of Bikes bicycles by the house delivering newspapers. Inside one of
the houses, a cat naps. The camera fades to later on that morning. The cat now
licks itself while an old woman in the garden plants flowers that she takes
out from inside a wheel barrel full of soil. At another house, Frank Conniff walks out
drinking a cup of coffee. He lifts his cup of coffee as a greetings to his
next door neighbor who is using a hose to water his lawn. The next door
neighbor waves to Frank. Rider of Bikes drives by as a neighbor from across the
street sets out garbage bags. Dramatic music plays as students walk down the
street carrying boxes of Poop Candy. One neighbor mows his lawn. Frank looks
at his newspaper as he sips his coffee. The kids start running towards the
houses. A man who is hunched over in the street talking to a woman who is in
her car notices the children who are running towards him, kicking up dirt as
they run. The man gasps.
start to fire. The woman in her car drives off. The crowd of children rush
past the man. Smeedge takes money from his pocket as she runs by. The guy who
was mowing his lawn runs inside his house with the lawn mower. Maddy runs up
to the door and kicks it. Frank notices the kids and he drops his coffee and
runs inside just as Spoo and Sara run up to his door. Sara bangs on his door.
The neighbor who was watering his lawn drops the hose and runs when he sees
Melvin and Smet running towards him. The woman who was driving her car
pulls into her garage. She sighs with relief. Suddenly, Billy Slunchy pops up
from the back seat holding a bar of Poop Candy. She screams and pushes up
against the door. The Letter M is still walking through the street carrying a
big box of the candy. A man who is running from some children runs by,
knocking down The Letter M. Zim and GIR (who is disguised as a human child)
walk down the side walk. GIR has a large box of Poop Cola Candy balanced on
his head while Zim carries a smaller box.
that horrible man-dog hybrid taunted us by not revealing the secret prize!
starts walking on the stone wall around the house that the old woman who was gardening
lives in. The old woman watches Zim and GIR walking down the street from
inside her window. She holds her cat under her arm. She pulls down her blinds.
must be something of unimaginable power, GIR!
and GIR walk past Dib. Dib is leaning against a lamp post sipping Poop cola
from a juice container. He is sweating. An empty box of Poop Cola Candy lays
next to him along with one of the larger boxes. Dib stops drinking and shakes
the empty box.
Zim! I sold a whole box at my dad's lab! Beat that!
you're trying to beat me to the prize, is that it?
pulls out a bar of Poop Cola Candy from the box he is carrying and examines
Just more proof of its strategic value.
runs up and snatches the candy bar from Zim.
The only reason I'm selling this dirt in a wrapper is to watch you fail at
something else, Zim!
laughs. Zim glances at the candy bars in the box he is carrying. Dib takes a
sip of his Poop. He hits the bottom of the box Zim is carrying so that all the
candy bars fly out and hit Zim. Zim groans. Dib then squirts some Poop from
his juice container. Dib points at Zim and laughs. He starts walking away and
he stops to point and laugh at the disguised GIR. Zim kneels down to pick up
the candy bars.
I can sell these horrible candies better than any human!
picks up his large box of Poop Cola Candy and walks off.
is his head so big!?! Why's his head so big!?!
follow my lead!
gets up and walks through the front gate of the old woman's house. He walks up
the pathway leading to her front door. He knocks on it. She looks through the
peep hole of her door and sees Zim poking his head into view. Zim lifts up a
bar of Poop Cola Candy into view. The old woman picks up a baseball bat and
opens the inner door but not the outer door.
Please ma'am, if you don't buy my candy, my little brother will go insane.
starts break dancing on the large box of Poop Cola Candy. The old woman opens
the outer door and steps out, hiding the baseball bat behind her back. GIR
stands on his head and his body starts spinning. It spins faster and faster
and launches off of his head. The old woman screams.
Good heavens, he's worse than I thought! Please, of course I'll buy some
leans the baseball bat against the wall and reaches into her pocket for money.
GIR's body crashes to the ground in front of her. The old woman sets some cash
inside Zim's box of Poop Cola Candy and grabs one of the candy bars. She peels
the wrapper and takes a bite.
takes another bite. She then starts gumming the rest of it in her mouth.
starts coughing and the candy bar flies out of her mouth. She drops the
wrapper and puts her hands around her neck. She starts coughing up saw dust
onto GIR's body. She gets on her knees and coughs up more and more.
Mmm hmm, that's the saw dust.
body starts wriggling its arms and legs. GIR's body leans forward and gets up.
The old woman points at it and opens her door. She kicks GIR's body away and
starts crawling back inside. She shuts the door behind her and GIR's body runs
up and starts banging on the door. Zim lifts up a dollar.
she only bought one of these horrible things! You'll just have to try harder,
grabs GIR's body and walks over towards the large box of Poop Cola Candy. On
his way, he drops GIR's body into the old woman's wheel barrel. Zim continues
to the box and picks it up. GIR's head is still resting on top of it. He walks
back to the wheel barrel and sets the box on it. GIR's body leans forward as
Zim grabs the wheel barrels' handles and starts wheeling it out of the front
gate and along the sidewalk. The old woman's bushes in the front yard set on
fire due to the hot sun. Eggs sizzle on the walkway of another neighbor's
house because GIR is dropping eggs onto the sidewalk from a container of eggs
he holds. His head is back on and he balances the big box of Poop Cola Candy
on his head again. Zim holds a smaller box and knocks on the front door. A
sweaty woman answers the door holding a baby. The woman fans herself off with
the baby as it cries. She drops the baby and screams. Zim holds up a candy
bar. The baby leaps back into her arms. The woman shuts the door. The Spooky
Chihuahua pops into view from behind the wheel barrel. It climbs into the
wheel barrel with an egg in its mouth. Zim makes confused noises. Zim and GIR
look behind themselves and see the Spooky Chihuahua toss the egg into its
mouth. They stare at it for a second before they toss what they are holding
into the air and run screaming. The spooky Chihuahua licks its lips. Cut to
Zim holding a candy bar up to another neighbor, who is shaking angrily. Zim
looks behind himself and sees that GIR has made a dozen snow angles in his
lawn, except in his grass instead of with snow. Cut to a sign that shows a man
with a whistle holding up a sign that says 'STOP' 'KEEP OFF GRASS.' The neighbor
who was watering his lawn sprays Zim with his hose. Zim is cornered against
garbage cans trying to block the stream of water with his arms. He starts
yelling at the neighbor. GIR runs along the sidewalk along the outside of the
skool playground, no longer carrying the large box on his head. Zim follows,
carrying the big box. He is struggling to keep walking. He finally collapses.
GIR jumps into the air and into the box that now rests on top of Zim. He
shovels candy bars into his mouth. A little while later, some crows fly from
their perch on a street lamp. Zim sits on the curb as GIR continues to shovel
candy into his mouth. He starts coughing and then continues to shovel more.
I don't understand! Today has been a horrible failure! GIR! Don't eat that
picks up one of the candy bars.
It is the key to the mystery of the prize!
mystery of the prize...
Poop candy pours from GIR's mouth. Zim hold the candy bar up in the air and
turns it around to read the warning label. It shows a drawing of a face
coughing up sawdust and says 'Warning: Consume Sawdust.' A drop of melted
chocolate drips from the candy bar. Zim groans.
This miserable Earth sun!
puts down the candy bar and stares at the sun. The three crows seen earlier
fly in the air. One of the crows sets fire and plummets downward.
Sirus Minor didn't orbit such a horrible star! So hot!
starts hallucinating in the heat.
starts looking down. He sees the lamp posts melting in the heat.
Dawg floats towards Zim. He is wearing Grim Reaper robes over his Poop Dawg
suit. His face isn't visible since he is wearing his hood.
I have come for you!
Huh? What is this!?! Who are you!?!
I am Poop Dog!
Dawg lifts his hood revealing his face.
The gangsta specter of defeat, in effect! And you will never win the
mystery prize, fool!
is this miraculous prize thing!?!
tugs on Poop Dawg's robes.
I aint tellin', yo!
climbs up Poop Dawg's robes while making nervous squeaking noises.
Does it defy the laws of time and space? Can it alter the minds of sentient
beings!?! Is it the key to controlling all mankind?
Dog flings Zim off of him. Zim hits a fence and falls to the ground.
prize will never be yours, Zim! So say the gangsta specter of defeat!
will not give up... Poop Dawg! Never!
Dawg laughs. Zim gets up and grabs GIR by his feet. He grunts as he spins
around and chucks GIR at Poop Dawg. GIR goes through Poop Dawg and hits Dib who
stands in Poop Dawg's place. Poop Dawg fades away. Dib falls to the ground and
grunts. An empty box of Poop Cola Candy lies in the distance. He knocks GIR
off of him, who leaves a trail of chocolate as he falls to the side. Dib grabs
Zim! I haven't even done anything to you yet!
groans. GIR makes squeaky noises as he walks over towards Zim.
out of here Gangsta of defeat! be gone with you!
gets up and brushes himself off.
Man, Zim! Defeat's made you crazy!
makes hand motions indicating for Dib to leave. Zim's mirage ends and he sees
Dib walk off, dragging his empty box.
course! That has been my mistake all along!
slowly eats another candy bar.
I've been trying to sell like a miserable human! GIR!
splat of chocolate shoots from GIR's mouth and hits Zim in the face. GIR goes
into serious mode and saluts Zim.
Yes, my lord!
wipes the chocolate from his face.
I will use inferior fund raising techniques no longer!
returns to normal. GIR pulls off his child disguise head. A balloon with the
one-eyed Irken symbol starts to inflat from his antenna.
watch as I unleash the full power of Irken persuasion!
grabs the balloon from GIR's head.
I'm gonna be sick!
hugs Zim and starts drooling chocolate. Cut to a run-down house where the
Grout Family lives. A TV inside
shows a monster truck running over rows of cars. Mr. and Mrs. Grout sit on the couch. They look like cavemen. The woman chews on a bone. Two
children in the corner shovel Vienna wieners/roaches into their
mouths. A roach climbs up the wall. Zim kicks the door in and stands in the
doorway holding a briefcase in one hand and a Poop Cola Candy bar in the
residents! I have come selling candy!
acne blast commercial plays on the TV.
walks up in front of their TV.
I am selling candy for your local skool, and you will buy some!
tosses the candy bar to the couple. Mrs. Grout picks it up. GIR follows in his
child costume with the large candy box on his head. GIR dumps the box onto the
floor. Zim sets his briefcase on top of the TV. The top slides open revealing
some devices. Mr. Grout grunts.
don't want any government candy!
We don't want none of your government candy!
Grout tosses the candy bar and it hits Zim in the head.
Yes you do.
lifts up one of the devices from the briefcase. He presses a button and the
other small devices shoot into the air and fly around the room. They attach to
all the family member's heads and expand over them to form the same type of
helmet that Zim has in his Irken Utility Pack, except without the telescoping
eyes. Mr. Grout feels the helmet on his head. A commercial for Bloaty's Pizza
Hog flashes, followed by a commercial for the Krazy Taco
plays on the TV.
see a world in which you do not buy my delicious treats!
presses a button on the device he holds and a red knob on each of the helmets
lights up. The family see the Earth in virtual reality with the Irken Armada
invading it. A ship and the statue of liberty sink. Irken ships fly about
through the ruined city, some shinning spotlights. Irkens stand among the
Zim (voice only): All that
you know and love lies in ruins!
Cut back to the real world. Mr. Grout screams and gets on his knees. He
tries to cover his eyes.
screams some more. Cut back to the virtual reality world. The skool lies in
ruins. Irkens stand among the debris. GIR sits on the debris of the skool
holding the same balloon seen earlier. An Irken holds an Irken Flag. In the
center of the ruined skool, a little girl sits on some books holding a doll.
I just wanted a skool desk of my own!
mutant creature with a flaming head grabs her by her head and lifts her off
the ground. She screams.
mutant grabs the doll from the girl and starts eating it. The mutant then
shoves the little girl into its thong. Zim warps into the
virtual reality world.
horrible tragedy can be prevented if, and only if, you surrender your money to
me, and buy my candy!
tongue slithers across the screen.
For the childwen!
Grout (voice only): We'll
buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!
back to the real world.
We'll buy your candy!
Grout grabs a handful of candy bars.
We'll buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!
Grout starts shoveling handfuls of candy.
buy it! We'll buy your candy!
Just stop this horrifying future from ever happening!
Witness my victory, Poop beast!
walks over towards the family's TV, which is playing a WHUH 6 news report on
Bloaty of Bloaty's Pizza Hog. Zim pulls down a curtain that reveals a large
window. He then kicks away the TV revealing that Poop Dawg in his gangsta specter
of defeat ropes is watching them from the outside. Zim points at Poop Dawg and
laughs. GIR eats Vienna wieners/roaches with the two children. Cut to the house of the
neighbor who was watering his lawn. Zim sprays that neighbor with his own
hose. The neighbor also wears one of those helmets. Cut to the hose of the
woman who fanned herself with her baby. She is on her knees screaming, wearing
one of the helmets. Zim holds her baby, laughing at it. The baby yanks on
Zim's tongue. A delivery man for Poop Cola Candy wheels a couple of boxes of
Poop Cola Candy over to the old woman's front door. The old woman lies on the
ground wearing one of the helmets. The delivery man hands a clipboard and pen
to Zim. Cut to Zim and GIR in the back of the delivery truck. Several children
are gathered around on their knees wearing helmets. Zim flips through some
cash. He picks up the baseball bat that belonged to the old woman and bangs
the side of the delivery truck. The delivery man, who is now wearing a helmet,
starts up the delivery truck. As the truck starts moving, Zim dumps out one of
the boxes of candy to the children. The scramble to get candy. The small
devices that transform into helmets shoot through the city. The bell rings at
skool. A jar sits on Ms. Bitters' desk with a few dollars and coins in it.
There is also a stack of coins on her desk. All of the children have desks
your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls
instructing them to love you less now.
in a shocking display of skool spirit, Dib has come in first by selling 100
candy bars. Congratulations, you win a-
over voice: Adhesive
Bitters hands a box of Bacon Scented Boo Boos to Dib.
place! Take that, space boy!
to Zim's desk. It is empty.
Hey, where's Zim?
box of Boo Boos starts shaking. The jar of cash and the stack of coins also
shake. The coin stack tips over. The door bulges. Cash piles up on the other
side of the door. The door bursts open and cash pours into the classroom. Zim
grunts as he pops hi head out of the cash pile, holding a fistful of money. He
grunts as he losses his balance and tumbles down the pile. He stands up.
I am here, Dib worm, and I have sold over 1.2 million revolting candy units!
drops his fistful of money. Zim walks over to Ms. Bitters, who is holding a
package. She hides the package behind her back.
I am prepared to receive the power of the mystery prize! GIVE TO ZIM!
Well, this has never happened before.
Bitters prepares to tear open the package.
your prize is-
Bitters tears open the package. Zim grunts in anticipation and wriggles his
fingers. Ms. Bitters examines a piece of paper that was inside the package.
Your prize is nothing.
is no mystery prize! they just made it up to make kids work harder for no
As a consolation, here's some tuna.
Bitters pulls a can of tuna out of the package and hands it to Zim. Zim lifts
the can of tuna into the air.
Curse you Poop Dawg! Curse yoooou!
shockwave of energy shoots from the can of tuna and through the class. It
causes Brian, Dib, Sara, Aki, Rob, Melvin, Zita, and Mathew P. Mathers III's
desks to tip over. It also causes Chunk to shoot upward into the ceiling and
Tae's desk to set on fire. Cut to Poop Dawg in his gangsta specter of defeat
robes. He laughs evilly and then coughs.
Poop Dawg, Poop Dawg, Poop Dawg, Poop Daaaawg!