The Girl Who Cried Gnome

Boxes of ninja star cookies bounce around in the case that a girly ranger named Moofy carries over her head as she runs through the neighborhood, humming. She stops at the house next door to Zim's. A man peeks through the door. Moofy holds up a box.

Moofy: Wanna buy some chocolate covered ninja star cookies? Mister!?! Huh!?!

Man: No thank you!

Moofy flings the box of cookies down and begins growling and shaking.

Man: What are you doing? No! Get away! No! No!

The camera pans up to the sky as the man screams in terror. The camera returns to show the man lying on the floor holding a box of ninja star cookies, chewing on a mouthful. He groans. Moofy holds a wad of cash and looks over at Zim's house.

Cut to Zim's underground lab. Zim stands in a room with containment tubes. The cyborg squirrels from Tak, The Hideous New Girl are in one of the tubes. A control panel moves in front of Zim, who begins typing on it. A view screen emerges from the ceiling displaying Moofy entering the yard.

Computer: Parameter boarding.

Zim: Oh, what is it this time? I haven't the patience for-

Zim notices Moofy on the view screen and screams.

Zim: Girl with cookies! Girl with cookies! Computer! Release the robot gopher!

A large tube device emerges from the ceiling and places a robot gopher on the floor. A mechanical arm snatches the gopher and sends it out of the lab through a tube.

Cut to Zim's lawn. Moofy enters.

Moofy: Lalalala! I like to eat the cookie! Lalalalalala, cookies!

Moofy pauses when she sees that one of the lawn gnomes is shaking. As she approaches it, the robot gopher tunnels out into the street, leaving a trail. The robot gopher circles around and heads straight for Moofy. It goes under her and she screams. Her foot sinks into the tunnel. Moofy struggles to pull it out. She screams.

Moofy: My leg!

The case of ninja star cookies on her head explodes. Moofy continues screaming. Zim watches through the eyes of a lawn gnome using a periscope in the lab.

Zim: Excellent, gopher! Just as I programmed you to do! Now, complete your task!

As Moofy struggles, the robot gopher pops out of the ground in front of her. She stares up at it. Her eyes twitch. It suddenly starts dancing. The gopher then launches into the air, entering a vortex in the sky. The vortex closes.

Zim: I don't remember programming that...

A woman runs up to Zim's lawn.

Woman: Hey! That girl's caught in some kind of crazy hole of some sort! Call the media!

A flying media vehicle lands next to the woman and a crowd of onlookers pour in. A newscaster forces his way through, knocking down another guy.

Newscaster: Sweet mother of corn! That girl's in trouble! (to man next to him) How's my make up?

The newscaster pushes the man down and leaps over to Moofy.

Newscaster: Cameras!

Several hover cams float into place. Cut to Zim's lab.

Zim: Guh!

The periscope retracts into the ceiling.

Zim: Okay! I can... I can fix this! Think, Zim... I am Zim!

Zim screams as he sees the crowd of people on his lawn in a large view screen.

Cut to the living room. GIR cheers as he runs through the house. He runs down into the lab.

GIR: We're on TV! We're on TV!

GIR shakes Zim, then presses a button on a control panel. A view screen shows a transmission from channel 9 news showing the crowd in Zim's lawn. It cuts to the newscaster, who has someone putting make up on his face. The make up person exits.

Newscaster: A seemingly quiet neighborhood. An innocent girly ranger. (Moofy waves) A horrible tragedy. Hundreds have gathered in front of this freakish home to provide emotional support.

Moofy pops up between the newscaster's legs.

Zim: Freakish home, that's good! They don't suspect a thing! Still, this has gotten out of hand. The child has brought unwanted attention! So many human eyes, blind as they are, might notice something about my secret base!

Zim types into a control panel. Outside, a view screen pops out of the house.

Zim: I'll have to step up the house's appearance to make it look MORE normal!

Zim types 'EARTH ROCKS' into the view screen. More lawn gnomes pop up in the street around Zim's house. Rescue workers walk up to Moofy.

Rescue worker: Do not be alarmed! We are here to help you!

The first rescue worker reaches for Moofy, who clings to the nearest lawn gnome.

Moofy: Get away! Get away!

Moofy screams.

Rescue worker: Oh no!

Moofy screams. A camera approaches and Moofy waves to it.

Moofy: Mom! Dad! Look at me! I'm in a hole!

Moofy laughs.

Zim: Robo parents! Cloud their minds with some neighborly hospitality!

A view screen displaying the robo parents shows the word 'ACTIVATED.'

Cut to the house. The robo parents walk outside. Robo dad holds a paper and Robo mom holds a toilet.

Robo mom: Does anybody want muffins?

A rescue worker dons a huge pair of scissors.

Rescue worker 1: Hi there!

Moofy screams and begins flinging dirt at the rescue worker. He falls over.

Rescue worker 1: My goodness.

Rescue worker 2: It's worse than I thought! Somebody call the president!

Cut back to the lab

Zim: That should do it for the base! Now, GIR! Time for some amazing disguises.

Zim lowers into the floor. GIR laughs and hops in after him.

Cut to the neighborhood. Dib approaches the crowd. He sees a man selling 'MOOFY FEET.' Another man sells 'SAVE MOOFY' shirts. A camera flies into the man next to him. Blam gets a balloon from a clown. Dib gets the attention of Eric Trueheart, who holds a WE HEART MOOFY sign.

Dib: Hey, what's goin' on?

Eric Trueheart: I dunno. But don't eat the muffins.

Another man drops a muffin onto the ground, disgusted. Dib walks away slowly. Dib forces his way through the crowd until he reaches a TV set.

Dib: That's Zim's house!

A man shushes Dib.

Newscaster (on TV): Here we are at minute four of this poor girl's ordeal.

The newscaster holds the microphone up to Moofy.

Newscaster: Moofy! How do you feel!?! (he prods Moofy with the mic) Moofy!

Moofy: My.... my leg's asleep...

Moofy cries, then smiles for the camera.

Crowd: Awww...

Newscaster: Just how many more minutes will she have to suffer until rescue crews can free her!?! Huh!?!

Dib: Why don't they just pull her out?

Old man: She's lodged in real good. And her foot's pokin' out over in China. So she screams real scary when anybody comes near her.

Moofy waves.

Dib: Look at her! She's just smiling and waving! She just loves the attention! Wait a minute...

Dib imagines himself running into Zim's house and pulling Zim out into the crowd without a disguise.

Dib: Attention! If I can get up there, I can expose Zim on national TV!

Cut to the lab. GIR watches the news on a view screen with a bag of popcorn.

Newscaster: Ah, yes, I've received word that Presidentman himself is on his way to the scene to take over this delicate, delicate operation.

Zim stands behind GIR, wearing a new human disguise with a dog attached to it.

Zim: The Earth leader is on his way here!?! GIR! This is getting bad! Very bad! Still, we may be able to use this...

Cut to the street. Dib struggles through the crowd.

Dib: 'Scuse me. Pardon me. 'Scuse, Let me through! Excuse me! Saving the human race here!

Dib finally makes it out of the crowd but runs into the gargantuan Girly Ranger leader.

Girly Ranger Leader: Hey, watch where you're going!

The Girly Ranger Leader growls and three Girly Rangers leap into place- one on each side of the leader and another on the leader's head.

Dib: Sorry, I have to get by. It's a planetary salvation thing, so just-

Girly Ranger Leader: You gotta buy some cookies first to support Moofy.

One girly ranger sends a box of cookies with Moofy's face on the box up to the girly ranger on the leader's head with a spinning toss. The leader growls as the girly ranger holds the box out towards Dib.

Dib: I don't have time for this! The world doesn't have time for this!

Dib tries to run by but the leader pounds her fist down in front of him.

Girly Ranger Leader: Don't you want to support Moofy!?!

Dib: Fine! Whatever!

Dib reaches into his pocket and puts something into the hand of the Girly Ranger Leader. He then takes a box of cookies from the Girly Ranger next to him. Dib runs off.

Girly Ranger Leader: Hey! This isn't money!

The leader turns over her hand to reveal a large ham.

Girly Ranger Leader: This is ham! You can't pay for cookies with ham!

Dib stops.

Dib: Why was there ham in my pocket?

The Girly Rangers pursue Dib, leaping into the air with ninja star cookies. They hurl them at Dib, embedding the cookies into the ground in front of him. Dib sways back and forth to dodge more cookies. The girly rangers make a high pitched squeal and then charge through the crowd. Dib back away.

Cut back to Moofy. A rescue worker holds up a doll.

Rescue Worker: Hey! Hey! Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo!

While Moofy is distracted by the doll, another rescue worker approaches from behind. Moofy sees him coming.

Moofy: Get away!

Moofy screams and the rescue workers dive for cover. Another rescue worker approaches with a rope tied around his waist.

Rescue Worker 2: I'm only trying to help you!

Moofy screams. The rescue worker yells as he is yanked back into the crowd by the rope he is tied to. A futuristic helicopter jet hovers over Zim's house. Another rescue worker in a harness lowers down from it.

Rescue Worker 3: Goodness gracious, let me get you out of there!

Moofy screams. The helicopter jet flies away, knocking the screaming rescue worker into a building. The gnome behind Moofy tips over and nudges her. Moofy's eyes water, then she lets out her longest, loudest scream yet. The camera pulls out from the scene to and into Earth's orbit, then out of the milky way and all the way to a planet the Irken Armada is bombarding. Aboard the Massive, the Almighty Tallest hear Moofy's scream as it ends.

Cut back to Zim's house. Floating monitor screens display images of Presidentman. Presidentman's official announcer stands at a podium with a microphone strapped to his head. Secret service agents stand behind him.

Presidentman announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! All the way from President Land, I give you... Presidentman!

The announcer walks to the side and Presidentman himself takes his place. The crowd cheers. Presidentman wiggles his arms. Moofy pushes the lawn gnome off of her.

Newscaster: Mr. President, what are you going to do to help this helpless child?

Presidentman: I pledge that this fine Girly Ranger will be rescued... with both legs intact!

The crowd cheers. Dib runs to through the crowd and hears Zim's voice.

Zim (V.O.): I think I may have discovered a way to end Moofy's pain. To end all your pain.

Dib: Zim!

Dib runs over to a television.

Dib (mumbling as he pushes past people): Eh, s'cuze me, ah!

On the television, Zim stands before Presidentman wearing his new human disguise. The newscaster holds a microphone up to Zim.

Zim: Mr. Presidentman, since the unfortunate filthy ranger won't let anyone close enough to rescue her, the only way to get her out will be to use sonic vibrations!

Newscaster: Sonic... vibrations!?!

Zim: Silence! And yes.

The television shows a labled picture of the Earth with Moofy on it. A large device appears on the Earth that begins pounding on its surface.

Zim (V.O.): Using a giant nuclear powered shaking machine, we can shake the entire Earth, jarring the poor girl loose.

Moofy pops off of the Earth. The shaking machine keeps pounding until the Earth breaks apart. The demonstration ends and the televisions cut back to Zim and Presidentman.

Presidentman: We don't have that kind of technology.

Zim: You can borrow mine!

Dib: A machine like that would destroy the surface of the planet! All life as we know it-

Presidentman: That just might work! People love shakin'! Woo-hoo!

Presidentman does a little dance. Dib frowns.

Cut to Zim's living room. GIR (out of disguise) drinks a SuckMunkey and watches TV. Zim walks in.

Zim: GIR! Let's get out of here! Soon the Earth will shake until all the humans are nothing but soup! Soup!!!

Cut to Presidentman's command center tent. Presidentman stands next to a table that has a model of Zim's house, Moofy, and the gnomes on it.

Presidentman: You! Get me the nuclear people on the phone! I want those vibrations!

Agent 1: Yes, sir!

A secret service agent dials on a phone. Dib walks in.

Dib: Wait! I have a better plan!

Presidentman: Who's that crazy boy!?!

Dib: Just tunnel under her! She'll never know your coming so she can't fight it and her leg will be fine!

Dib walks under the table and snatches the Moofy model through it.

Dib: And if you just happen to find an alien base down there, you can destroy it!

Dib squeezes the head off of the Moofy model.

Presidentman: What's he talkin' about!?! Where's the charts!?! Where's the pretty pictures!?! This plan is stupid!

Agent 2: I uh, have the uh nuclear people on the line.

Dib: If you shake the Earth, we'll all be destroyed! That's what Zim wants!

Secret service agents approach Dib.

Presidentman: That's a chance we're all going to have to take! Get him out of- gaaaah! Wait a minute!

The agents stop dragging Dib out.

Presidentman: Are those... ch-ch-chocolate ninja star cookie!?!

Dib feels his head, then turns around, revealing ninja star cookies imbedded into his head.

Dib: Yes! Yes they are!

Presidentman: Ooooh! I love ninja star cookies! Ooooh!

Dib removes a cookie.

Dib: I'll make you a trade!

Cut to the Voot Cruiser docking bay. A pile of boxes and a pile of random junk lays next to the cruiser. Zim and GIR load stuff into the back. Zim is no longer in his human disguise. GIR squeals excitedly as he squeezes a pig toy in the junk pile. Zim loads a box in.

Zim: At last, GIR!

GIR tosses the pig toy in.

Zim: We're finally through with this horrible planet!

GIR carries Nick into the back. A small monitor screen displays Presidentman with Dib.

Presidentman: Thanks to this delicious boy, we have a new plan for freeing young Moofy! We are gonna use this digging machine!

The camera pans over to a large digging machine.

Zim: The Dib! The Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! Now they'll find the base! There's only one thing I can do!

GIR peers out of the cruiser.

GIR: You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits?

Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.

GIR looks stunned.

Cut to the street. The digging machine begins to start. Zim exits his house in his new human disguise.

Person (V.O.): Hey, what's that floppy guy doing!?!

Person 2: He's gonna rip her leg off!

Zim: Get off my lawn, cookie beast!

Moofy: Noooo! I'm gonna be on TV forever!

Moofy waves to the cameras. Zim approaches her. She bears her teeth and lashes out at Zim, sending him flying. Moofy bites and claws. Zim leans forward and growls. He leaps into the air and lands behind Moofy. Zim yanks her out of the ground. The crowd stares in amazement. Several instant replays occur. Presidentman stares in amazement as well. The digging machine shuts down. The crowd cheers. Zim goes back inside his house. Two rescue workers approach Moofy. She hops back into the hole, but one of the rescue workers picks her right back up and lifts her into the air. She waves to the cameras.

Newscaster: And so the saga of Moofy comes to a happy end. Thanks to the efforts of this mysterious hero...

A drawing of Zim in his human disguise drawn as an actual human.

Newscaster: No one knows who he was, or where he came from, but we all know that he's here... in our hearts.

Dib leaps into view.

Dib: It's not a mystery! It's Zim! He's an alien! He lives right here! he tried to destroy us all!

The crowds leave. Cut to Moofy in the back of an ambulance. The ambulance drives away and the remaining pedestrians clap. The last rescue worker lifts his arms into the air and rockets into the sky. Dib leans forward to move, but finds he is now stuck where Moofy was. He grunts as he tries to pull free.

Dib: Hey! I really am stuck! Wait! Come back! Help!

The news van closes up and rockets away. Zim exits his home, now in his skool boy disguise. He holds the robot gopher and whistles. He laughs at Dib and drops the gopher on the ground. Zim reenters his house. The gopher approaches Dib, who starts screaming. The 'EARTH ROCKS!' sign flickers out.

Cut to night time. Dib shakes in terror as the gopher dances and the gnomes encircle him.

Dib: Heeeeeelp.