"Roboparents Gone Wild"
by Rob Hummel
INT. ZIM'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM
We push in on the closet door. ZIM's voice can be heard very faintly from somewhere deeper in the base. We cannot make out what he is saying. We keep pushing in to:
INT. ZIM'S HOUSE, ROBOPARENTS CLOSET - NIGHT
The closet is eerily lit from below. As the camera pushes in the floor, we see the source of the light. A glowing hatch on which is printed: ROBO-PARENTS TUNNEL - KEEP CLEAR.
How many times have I told you not to touch anything that sounds like it can explode? GIR, are you listening to me?
GIR laughs. The camera pushes through the glowing hatch to:
INT. DOOR ANSWERING MATRIX
ZIM and GIR hover with FLOATY-PAKS in front of a damaged power cell nexus. Behind them, clamped to the wall, are the RoboParents, inert. ZIM fiddles with the power cell.
That's good. You laugh, GIR, while I fix your mistake. You know you're supposed to be MY assistant! I'm surprised you didn't completely destroy this power thingy. You could learn a thing or two by watching me-
The power cell overloads unleashing shmillions of IRKEN ZIGA MOOPS into ZIM and GIR, who flail like ragdolls. Arcs of energy lick at everything in the narrow silo, including the Parents, whose eyes glow with the power. The overload subsides, leaving ZIM and GIR charred messes.
my work here is done. GIR, carry me back to my lab. I'm in horrible pain.
GIR (HAPPY AS EVER)
Hee hee hee. Pain.
The two float into the darkness below. RoboMom's head turns to watch them, her eyes still glowing unnaturally. (From this point on, the eyes glow with this strange light).
ROBO MOM (STUTTERING WITH MADNESS)
D... Did YOU see that explosion, honey??
THAT BOY. What have WE told HIM??
INT. ZIM'S HOUSE, THE KITCHEN - LATER
The refrigerator door open as ZIM and GIR rise up on a lift from within. Their heads smash through the shelves of food, and juices. ZIM flops out, hurt, as GIR just sort of rolls out gracelessly. The lights flicker oddly in the room.
Hmm... looks like some damage was done to the rest of the house. GIR...
The Roboparents stand in the kitchen doorway.
ROBO MOM (STERN)
Son? Why'd you lock your own parents in a bottomless tube of darkness like that?
Parents? You're ROBOTS! And what're you doing out? Go back to your storage-
Robo Mom bursts INTO TEARS.
ROBO DAD (ANGRY)
Don't call your mother a robot!
What is wrong with you?! Have you lost your...eh...the power surge. It did something to your brain chips didn't it? You're actually acting like grotesque human parents now? I'M INGENIOUS!!
So, getting good grades, are you son?
Okay okay, no need to put on a show for ZIM. Save it for when there are humans around. Now, begone! I'm very busy!
You don't talk to your dad like that! A certain little green boy is going to bed without dinner tonight!
Bed? IRKENs don't sleep. The very thoguht is disgusting! Looks like you guys still need a bit of reprogramming. COMPUTER? PROGRAM INTERFACE.
A maraca-like object floats into the room. It beeps and boops, and glows from the round tip. ZIM holds it up to RoboMom until she snatches it away from him. She turns it on him and fires a beam of weird laser energy at him.
HEYY!! QUIT IT! GIVE THAT BACK!
ROBO MOM (HEAD SPARKING)
Not til you do them dishes.
Yeahhh. You tell 'im, MA!!
ZIM looks over to the sink. There is a pile of filthy dishes there where once there was none. GIR walks up to the sink still scooping a fistful of spaghetti off of a plate and tosses the plate into the pile.
THAT'S GOOOOD SPEGHETTI!!!
ZIM DOES NO DISHES!! ARE YOU MAD?!!
Are you defying your mama?
Are you defying your ZIM?
The RoboParent stand over ZIM, looking all menacing. ZIM backs toward the toilet.
He climbs into the toilet.
NO, no... NO toilet time until you behave!
I'm just going down to my room. There are things down there to...fix you, so-
RoboDad cries now, dumping old spaghetti onto his head and rolling in misery. RoboMom glares at ZIM.
HE DOODN'T LOVE US!! WE raise him and give him a toilet to play in, and he wants to fix us! I'm gonna find us a son that loves us!!
RoboDad storms out of the room.
ROBO MOM (LAYING ON THE GUILT)
You made your daddy a saddy! Shame on YOU! Now, you GO TO YOUR ROOM!!
INT. ZIM'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - LATER
GIR (in doggy costume) lays on the floor watching TV. ZIM sits in a cardboard box in the middle of the living room. "ZIM'S ROOM" is written on the side of the box. RoboMom sits on the couch with the sparking tool in her hand. She watches him carefully. ZIM takes a delicate step outside of the box. Robomom blasts him with the laser tool. He squeals.
You stay in your room until your father comes home.
HE'S NOT MY FATHER!!
(she zaps him again)
AGH! QUIT IT!!!
The front door opens and RoboDad steps inside carrying a GROWLING half monkey, half badger the size of an easy chair. Robodad's clothes and self have been shredded by the insane little monster. ZIM looks on in shocked horror.
Look what I got, honey! Our new boy.
He unleashes the beast into the house. It immediately leaps into the kitchen, screaming and leaving a trail of shatter as it goes.
MY BASE!! NOOOO!! STOP IT!! STOP!!! Stop! Stop! Stop!
GIR looks away from the TV as the hybrid beast vanishes into the kitchen, where horrible destructive noises are heard. GIR SQUEALS, jumps up and runs into the kitchen. The beast roars and throws GIR out against the front door. GIR laughs and runs back for more.
GIR! No more destroying! Obey your master! Obey ZIM!
GIR stops running. He looks from ZIM to the kitchen and back to ZIM. He is anxious to return to the destruction.
Go on, freakish doggy thing. Go and play with your new master. Go and play with- Wait, what are we going to call him?
Let's call him ZIM!
GIR looks one last time at ZIM, who gives the robot dog a sad, pleading look. The lure of the destruction is too much for GIR and he runs back into the kitchen. The parents put their arms around each other and look on happily.
Aw honey, ZIM's like the son we never had.
I'm ZIM! Get that thing out of my house!
You're OLD ZIM. We love new ZIM now.
But it's a dirty, insane monster and it's destroying everything!
OUR BOY AIN'T DIRTY!!!
EXT. ZIM'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
The door opens and ZIM is dropped onto the front porch. Inside the house there is much GROWING and the sounds of things BREAKING. The door SLAMS shut. ZIM gets up and pounds on the door. It opens and the maraca juts out, SHOCKING him. ZIM, in shock, walks over to the living room window and looks in. The Badger/Monkey leaps around with terrifying fury. GIR leaps around after him.
They both plow into Robodad. RoboMom "Awwws" as though it's the cutest thing in the world.
ROBO DAD (HEAD THROUGH THE WINDOW)
Hey look, our little ZIM's on TV!
He points at the TV and sure enough, the badger/monkey is on the screen. GIR turns up the volume.
TV ANNOUNCER (THROUGH THE WINDOW)
...Dinky, the city zoo's only half monkey, half badger hybrid, was stolen today. Dinky is part of a program that lets KIDS create the animals THEY'D like to see. A worldwide search has begun to find the theif and a large reward is being offered for information leading to Dinky's return...It's a sick world.
Dinky lets out a shrill howl and burrows into the floor.
Toilet ZIM wasn't ever on TV.
ZIM turns away from the horrifying scene. He stumbles away. It starts to rain. Suddenly, he turns and faces his house, determination on his face.
I will find a way back in. My mission must continue! There is no stopping me! I will never give up! YOU DO NOT TOY WITH INVADER ZIM: THE RELENTLESS!!
OVER BLACK: "ONE HOUR LATER"
INT. BOX CAR
ZIM lives in a boxcar with a hobo (the hobo's name is HOBO and he's got a big, bushy beard). It's only been an hour but ZIM looks as though he's been living here for years. He's weathered and filthy. The hobo has a weenie on a stick and he cooks it in the fire between them.
...and that's how I ended up living here in this boxcar with you, a filthy stinking hobo.
There is a long moment of silence as the hobo contemplates what ZIM says. ZIM looks out at the horizon. He can see his house's satellite dish poking up. He SIGHS sadly.
HOBO (NOT PAYING ATTENTION)
I like weenies. I don't think I've eaten anything but weenies in twenty years.
A SEARCH VAN drive by, blaring its message.
SEARCH GUY (O.S.)
(extended dialogue)... The city needs its Dinky. Please, do not deprive the children of their Dinky. If you stole him, return him immediately. The children are sad.
I only hopre that little monster hasn't totally destroyed my home. At least the power thingy is safe.
I know what you mean...
As the hobo speaks, he chews on the weenie. Eventually, the weenie slips out of his mouth, slides down and lodges in his beard. He doesn't even notice.
When I was a boy, my robot parents replaced me with a hybrid badger/monkey and threw me outta the house, too. I swore I'd get back in, just like you. But I never did and I been a hobo ever since. That'll show'em.
NO! I can't become a hobo! I have to clear the EARTH for IRKEN control!!
Yah, I had a mission to destroy life on Earth too. But you gotta ask yourself what's important to YOU.
Uh-huh. If I can get close enough to the parents, get them to hug me perhaps, I can reset their programming to put a stop to Dinky's rule over my domain. In order to get close, I'll have to disguise myself as Dinky. But I don't have access to my disguise machine...
When that happened to me, i just asked a hobo if I could use his beard as a furry disguise.
YES! It just might work! FILTHY HOBO? Can I use your beard as a furry disguise?
It'll never work.
But it was your idea!
EXT. ZIM'S HOUSE - LATER
ZIM steps into frame. Wearing a coat of hideously dirty hobo-beard, he looks vaguely Dinky like. The yard is littered with shattered lawn gnomes and shredded furniture. DINKY has been hard at work in his absence. ZIM shuddders as he walks up to a large hole in his front yard. VICIOUS GROWLING AND CLAWING NOISES can be heard from the hole.
Dinky looks up from what he's chewing on, which is revealed to be a large, sparking, underground cable. ZIM grimaces.
I think they have all kinds of things in the house next door for you to destroy. Just look at all the... not broken stuff. Yahh... MMmHmmm. A job for DINKY.
Dinky looks out from the hole to the house next door. He ponders ZIM's suggestion for a moment and then leaps from the hole and into an open window in the neighbor's house.
NEIGHBOR'S VOICE (O.S.)
What the-? IT'S LIKE A BADGER... BUT MORE MONKEY LIKE!! AGHHGHHGHHHHHHH!!
That was uhh... easier than I thought it would be...
ZIM takes a step towards his house. Dinky leaps back into the scene and throttles ZIM. The struggle is fierce. CUT TO:
INT. ZIM'S HOUSE
ZIM opens the door to his house and walks in victoriously. Behind him is a beaten Dinky. ZIM is so messed up he actually looks more Dinky-like. The inside of the house is utterly shredded. The parents sit on piles of shredded material watching Family Videos on the cockeyed TV. The videos are handheld footage of Dinky destroying things.
Aw, remember when the new ZIM ate through his first wall?
Yeah. It's too bad they gotta grow up.
ROBO DAD (NOTICING ZIM)
Oh hey son, didn't hear you come in...
ZIM makes GROWLY NOISES in a bad Dinky impersonation.
Something wrong, son? You seem strange.
ZIM (DINKY LIKE)
He's trying to talk!! I think he wants a hug!
Robomom opens her arms and ZIM starts moving toward her.
He stinks like a weenie! I smell it. Yeeeah. A weenie. YA KNOWWWW?
ZIM gives GIR a dirty look.
Our little lunatic dog is right, honey. That IS weenie smell. And he's not eating through any furniture. He's just standing there. no hugs till he wrecks the place up a little bit.
Heyyy... you're right. He IS strange...
ZIM panics, then growls and starts a destructive rage. He throws garbage in the air and chews on random debris.
ROBO MOM (CONT'D)
Awwww... That's our boy.
ZIM turns around and opens his arms in a "gimme a hug" gesture. Robodad pulls out a glowing chunk of wildly sparking debris.
Look what we found, son! It's one of those dangerous power thingies! Go on, chew on it! You love these!!
From the look on ZIM's face, it's clear he doesn't want to destroy it.
ROBO DAD (CONT'D)
C'mon, son! It isn't like you to not want to bite into exploding things.
ROBO MOM (WISING UP)
Maybe he's not our son at all...
GIR (AS THOUGH STATING A FACT)
Out comes the sparking maraca tool. ZIM leaps onto the debris and starts gnawing on it. GIR jumps in and enthusiastically helps. The two are enveloped in waves of scary energy.
MOMENTS LIKE THESE JUST CALL FOR HUGGIN!
A smoking ZIM leaps into dad's arms, then looks to mom.
C'mon Mom! Give me a hug!
He did it! He can talk!
ZIM (FALSE LOVE AND SINCERE THREAT)
I SURE CAN, YOU INSANE ROBOT! NOW HUG ME!!
Mom joins the hug and ZIM snatches the tool from her hand.
The tool fires a beam into the parents' heads, deactivating them immediately. ZIM hhits a few buttons on the tool and then shoots them again, reactivating them.
Welcome home, son!
Robodad wheels headlong into a wall. Robomom SHRIEKS and beats on her own head. ZIM smiles.
Ah. Everything's back to normal.
Two SEARCH PARTY MEMBERS storm in through the front door.
It's Dinky! Get him! C'mon girl!
He's suddenly surrounded by net and dragged out of the room.
EXT. ZIM'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
As the screaming ZIM is dragged to the SEARCH VAN, we see the hobo in the background counting a large wad of reward money.