INVADER ZIM

“Revenge of the Defectives”
Draft 2

July 15, 2004
(Draft 1 = March 9, 2004)

INT. ZIM’S LAB

ZIM stands in front of a large view screen. On the screen is INVADER SKUTCH.

ZIM
Hey! Hey! Invader Skutch! Whatcha doin’!?!

SKUTCH
Leave me alone, Zim.

ZIM
Aw, come on! Come on, come on, come on!

SKUTCH
I’m recalibrating the computer brain on my destructo bone crusher bot.

ZIM
Yes, well I did that five times! Loser.

ZIM presses a button and the screen switches to INVADER TENN.

ZIM
Tenn! What’s goin’ on, Tenn!? Hey Tenn! What’s goin’ on!?

TENN
I’m looking over my scores on my military commander exam. I got an 800.

ZIM
Yeah, well I got 50 shmillion! Moron!

ZIM presses a button and the screen switches to INVADER GROOT who types into a control panel.

GROOT
Yes? Oh, it’s you Zim. Go away. I need quiet to trace the defense triggers on this planet’s capitol.

ZIM (shouting)
I’VE DESTROYED TONS OF CAPITOLS ON MY PLANET!

GROOT winces and mistypes, triggering an alarm in his base. ZIM cancels the transmission.

ZIM
Wow, I’m in an entire different league than those losers! This proves it! ZIM is the ULTIMATE IRKEN! I am perfect!

COMPUTER
Incoming transmission from some ship… somewhere…

ZIM
Well, play it already! Sheeesh.

The screen displays a female Irken with multiple PAKS attached on her torso.

WEX (female Irken)
Greetings, Zim.

ZIM
Who’re you?

WEX
I’m Wex, and I have a most interesting proposition for you. Please get onto your roof so we can pick you up.

ZIM
Why should I listen to you?

WEX
Just do it! I’ll explain momentarily.

ZIM
No. I have important ZIM work to do.

WEX sighs.

WEX
Alright. You know what to do, Lentil.

LENTIL, an Irken wearing a gasmask, goes to a control panel. ZIM’S base suddenly rumbles. ZIM screams as wires and cables wrap around him and push him up to the upper layers.

ZIM
Computer! What is this!?!

COMPUTER
I dunno! Some kind of outside influence!

EXT. ZIM’S HOUSE – DAY

The roof opens and the wires hold ZIM up into the sky. A ship hovers down and a squatty Irken pops out of the hull and grabs ZIM.

INT. IRKEN VOOT FLAGSHIP

An assortment of odd-looking Irkens stare at ZIM, including WEX and LENTIL.

ZIM
Release ZIM! I said no, you filthy solicitors!

WEX
Calm down, Zim! We’re not selling anything.

ZIM
You’re not?

WEX
We’re defectives!

BEAT

ZIM
So?

BEAT

WEX
Like you!

BEAT

ZIM
Huh?

WEX
Surely you know! I mean you were nearly charged as one just recently.

ZIM
When was this!?! Why does no one tell these things to ZIM!?!

WEX
The trial on planet Judgementia? Irken control brains deciding whether you’d live or die? Your past exposed for all to see?

ZUBAZUG
It was all over the galactic airwaves!

ZIM
Oh! You mean my surprise party! That sure was nice of the Tallest.

WEX
Oh, you’ve got to be joking. He’s worse than I thought. ZIM- Despite what those INSANE control brains said, you are a defective. There’s a warrant out for your destruction. But we’re all defectives here, so no need to worry.

ZIM
How’d you do that thing to my house?

CHORG
That was the OVERRIDER. It’s our only means of escape when we run into the law!

WEX
You see, Zim. We are all on the run. I’m Wex. The guy manning the OVERRIDER is Lentil. To my sides are Zupazug and Chorg. Over in the corner is Lombart. And the little guy here is Chez.

CHEZ
The Irken police force is on our tail! I can smell them! WE CAN’T STAY PUT THIS LONG! I SMELL THEIR STINK!

WEX
He’s a bit… paranoid.

CHEZ
Our only hope is to submit to the DUCK LEADERS!

WEX
And insane.

ZIM
Right, okay. So you guys are outlaws. Why did you kidnap the amazing INVADER ZIM!?!

WEX
You don’t really think you’re an Invader, do you?

ZIM
Listen, you! I’m not only an Invader, but I’m the most amazing and perfect Invader ever to serve the Empire!

WEX
Oh are you? I suppose that’s why you have an outdated voot, or why your SIR unit has no discernable mind whatsoever, or why you weren’t invited to Operation Impending Doom II. You see, ZIM, we’ve been following your case for quite some time.

ZIM
What do you want with me?

WEX
You don’t know it, and neither do they, but the Empire fears you. We’ve been trying to break free from the Empire for years and keep the Irken Machine off of our backs! You are our ticket!

ZIM
If I was really a defective, I never would have been able to become an Invader in the first place!

WEX
That’s not how it works, ZIM! There’s a list. Any slightly unsuitable Irken is put on this list and from there they are eventually put on trial. The system exists so that there is a constant supply of Irkens for daytime court shows. (PAN through the crew) We’re all here due to some PAK related glitch. (PAN to ZUBAZUG) Whether genetic mutation spurred by a faulty PAK… (PAN to CHORG) Improper development… (PAN to LENTIL) Shorting out of certain organs… (PAN to LOMBART) Absolutely no storage of memory…

LOMBART
Duuuuh….

WEX (continued)
(PAN to CHEZ) Or just no increase of height past Smeet stage.

CHEZ
They’re after my blood meat!

WEX
My crew and I found out about the list before we could be charged, but we all led normal lives before that. I was a science officer. My processing power is superior to all Irkens since a glitch in the birthing facilities caused me to receive four PAKS! But I was not safe from the list.

ZIM
Hah! ZIM is on no such list! Can you take me back yet? I have stuff to do. Invader stuff.

ZUBAZUG
Not likely!

CHORG
You’re coming with us, whether you like it or not!

ZIM
What is this!?!

WEX
Please don’t make us do this by force. Submit.

CHEZ
Join us! Then maybe we won’t all be doomed! Aren’t ducks neat!?!

ZIM
Um… I’m gonna use the bathroom, alright?

WEX
Sure, it’s down the hall.

ZUBAZUG
We have a bathroom? And all this time I’ve just been opening up the space hatch.

ZIM scampers off.

INT. BATHROOM

ZIM glances around nervously.

ZIM
Alright, okay, so I’m just in the company of some brain-challenged Irken rejects! ZIM a defective! Ha! If I play along, I can turn on them when they try and use me…

CHORG (VO)
Hey! Why are you talking in there!

ZIM
Oh! I was just… eh… uh… oh. It’s just the wind! Yeah! The space wind!

BEAT

CHORG (VO)
Okay!

ZIM
Tell them that I’ll do it, whatever it is you guys are gonna have me do.

INT. VOOT FLAGSHIP – MAIN DECK
CHORG runs in.

CHORG
He said he’d do it!

WEX
Excellent. Let’s get into position.

The sound of a toilet flushing is heard. ZIM walks into the room.

ZIM (making a horrible attempt at sounding genuine)
Aaaaah. That was satisfying. Your toilet has shone me the error in my ways! Certainly the Irken Empire was wrong for persecuting such a horrible group of vomitile freaks such as yourselves! I will cooperate in any means necessary!

ZUPAZUG
Aw, Zim’s an okay guy!

WEX shoots a glare at ZIM. ZIM simply shoots a wide toothy grin. CHEZ approaches ZIM.

CHEZ
Hey… Zim… Wanna see some pictures of space ducks?

ZIM (still putting on a smiling act)
Zim complies!

WEX (whispering to LOMBART)
Hey, Lombart. Maybe we were wrong when we rescued Chez. Just what are space ducks anyway?

LOMBART simply drools. WEX frowns.

ZIM (in background)
Those sure are some respectable ducks!

CHEZ (in background)
You know it!

A red light flashes and sirens blare. LENTIL points desperately at a view screen.

CHORG
An Irken policing Shuvver!

WEX
Just as planned!

An IRKEN POLICE OFFICER appears on the main view screen.

POLICE OFFICER 1
This vehicle is to be impounded as accordance to Irken law. Please be prepared for brutality like never before.

WEX
Hold on, officer! We’ve got something to show you.

The crowd parts to reveal ZIM.

POLICE OFFICER 1
You have the right to remain (notices ZIM) Vort dog on a stick, it’s ZIM!

The second officer arms himself.

WEX
He has promised to comply with US!

ZIM
Yes, I obey the commands of my fellow defectives! I promise to-

ZIM pauses and then glances around.

ZIM (continued)
NO LONGER! Officers, I am an Invader on a secret mission! Do what you will with these miscreants! Especially the little one!

CHEZ
Don’t HURT MY EYEBALLS!

ZIM
Rescue ZIM!

POLICE OFFICER 1
So you guys just wanted a pardon in return for Zim, right?

They all nod vigorously.

ZIM
Um, you can come now. To save Zim. Eh.

The defectives leap on ZIM. When the dust settles, ZIM is completely tied up. One after the other their invisible space helmets activate. ZIM activates his as well.

ZIM
You said you needed me! What is this!?! Release Zim!

WEX
We did need you! Thank you very much, Zim! As I said before, you’re our ticket outta here! Your worth a lot of monies to the officer that brings you in. Certainly worth our pardon. Am I not right?

The officer nods, smiling as he thinks of all the monies. The hatch on the roof opens and the police SHUVVER hovers over the defective’s ship. The platform under ZIM rises up until it is right bellow the SHUVVER. The hatch on the SHUVVER opens and the second officer reaches for ZIM.

ZIM (taunting)
Hey, Chez! Look what I’ve got!

ZIM opens his mouth, revealing all of the duck pictures.

CHEZ (shouting)
MY BELOVED!

CHEZ runs to the control panel and presses buttons until ZIM’S platform lowers.

WEX
No, Chez, you defective idiot! STOP!

CHEZ reaches into ZIM’S mouth for the pictures. ZIM bites down and CHEZ screams. ZIM hurls CHEZ into the approaching defectives with his mouth. ZIM activates his force field sphere (from Plague of Babies), ripping through his restraints.

WEX (from under CHEZ)
Somebody do something!

LENTIL pulls out an OVERRIDER gun as WEX struggles free. ZIM dodges a blast from the gun, which hits WEX and causes the spider legs from all four of her PAKS to go mad. This keeps the remaining defectives at bay.

INT. POLICE SHUVVER

POLICE OFFICER 1
What’s going on in there?

POLICE OFFICER 2
What they doin’?

ZIM uses his space jets to blast up into the still-open police hatch.

ZIM
As an Invader, I am taking command of this vessel!

POLICE OFFICER 2
What do I do? What do I do?

POLICE OFFICER 1
Shoot him good!

POLICE OFFICER 2
I’m doin’ it!

The second officer takes a shot at ZIM. ZIM activates his shield and the shot bounces around the room.

POLICE OFFICER 2
He’s retaliating with his psychic mind powers! I’m outta here!

The second officer rockets out of the hatch.

POLICE OFFICER 1
Wait for me!

The first officer rockets away.

ZIM
Now, back to my mission!

ZIM takes the ship controls and pilots wildly.

INT. DEFECTIVE VOOT FLAGSHIP

WEX is still out of control.

WEX
Whatever happens, don’t let Zim get away!

LENTIL takes the ship controls.

EXT. SPACE

A chase sequence begins with the DEFECTIVES trailing ZIM. The chase leads them to EARTH and into the CITY. They fly low, weaving between buildings. The DEFECTIVE VOOT is larger and more cumbersome than the SHUVVER and when ZIM makes some risky maneuvers, the VOOT flies off course and crashes into a city square where the CHILDREN OF THE BRIGHT AND SHINING SAUCER are having a meeting. WEX wearily emerges.

DESMOND FLAPP
An alien!

The rest of the DEFECTIVES begin emerging.

YOA
More aliens!

The saucer morons swarm the ship. ZIM watches from his SHUVVER as he zooms off.

ZIM
Could anyone but a PERFECT IRKEN have performed such a daring escape? I couldn’t have done it without me, ZIM!

INT. SAUCER MORON TENT

The DEFECTIVES are all tied to chairs.

CHORG
What now, boss?

WEX
I’m through with this defectives rights business! I quit! From now on, Chez is the leader!

CHEZ makes a pleased but shrill squeak. The saucer moron BOLL approaches CHEZ, holding his foot up.

BOLL
Could ya bless the corns on my toes?

The saucer morons swarm CHEZ.